Where Do I Belong?

I'm Alex "Potter". 18 years old, ex-student at Kings College in Cambridge and my occupation is a worker at Sainsbury's. Do you know what's sad? That's all I can say for myself. I don't know what else to say because there is NOTHING else to say about me. Oh, I'm from Rwanda too and I like art. Interesting, right? Don't worry; I know I'm not the most exciting person you could meet. That's what I want to change about myself, I want to be more exciting! I want to be adventurous! I want to be reckless and I want to be bold! I don't want to spend the rest of my life stuck in Hampstead with Joseph. Yes I know it's just a visit but considering I now live in a bedsit back in Cambridge, it looks like the only other option I have is to stay with him. However, there is another option.

I want to go back to Rwanda. Yes I know that's the country Joseph saved me from when I was a kid but it's my hometown! My mum lived there, you know? I just feel like now at this confusing moment in my life, I need my mum. I know I'll never see her again because she's passed on but I feel like by being in Rwanda, I'll be close with her.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to find myself, trying to find who I am and I'm struggling. I feel like I'm drowning in this huge ocean and no one is around hearing my screams, hearing me plead for help. I'm lonely. I didn't have much friends at college. I definitely know no one wants to be my friend now after what was seen in the lecture theatre! Oh well, I'm not at that stupid college anymore anyway. I just want to find a place where I belong! A place where I can be myself and a place where I can be free! I hate having to feel so confused about everything. You'd think I'd get used to by now knowing I won't be able to hear my mum's voice ever again wouldn't you? Her laugh, her smile, the way she'd cry with laughter whenever I did something funny. But I can't, I just can't. I need my mum more than ever right now and she's not here and she never will be. I miss her.

Despite Joseph not letting me go to Rwanda, that won't stop me. It may say he's my father on paper but he is not my father by blood. If I want to find myself, I believe Rwanda is the perfect place to start searching.